The last day I blogged, March 12th, 2016, hallmarked a transition to a deeper more confident self. That fantastic evening began with a gift of VIP box office seats to see The Book of Mormon at the Saenger Theatre and concluded with a special meeting, more drinks, salsa dancing and a fall from grace that resulted in a bleeding and bruised left leg. The culmination of all this and more physically crippled me upon arriving home early that morning.. It was as if I had to reach this pinnacle to subsequently fall metaphorically and literally to my knees in effort to transition to this new state and awareness. I am trying to find poetry in the process of self-poisoning and it's there..

The magic of the transition was visible the next morning. Amid the fever, retching and near-death feelings, I found inspiration and solace once I staggered down my hallway to find the broken fan to once again be turning in my living room.

The whole experience reset my body and mind and illuminated my soul of its wants, needs, desires and purpose. Also, learned plenty about how much hard alcohol I can process, what can and shouldn't be mixed together drink wise, how natural and strange it is to have such cosmic chemistry with someone that bends tradition of both society and self, and that I still have amazing skills under duress..I mean, most people can't drive well on a normal day and there I was nauseous, vomiting and hardly able to see driving my ass across town for medication so I could eventually stop heaving, finally hold water down, and subsequently pass out from extreme exhaustion.

It all happened as it was meant too. And I am better for it. 

Saving on beer money!!

This change has effected my resolve. I can no longer abide by nor endure the last few vestiges of servitude which loom over me. It is my intention to address those vestiges in my genuinely professional and bright manner for better or worse. I refuse to bow my head any longer. 

Re negotiations begin next week, I have set myself this deadline. Which in fact, align completely with the deadline I voiced to the universe just over a month or so ago. I said something must give by my Birthday. Then it was no, I need to have things addressed before then so things can begin turning by my special day. I couldn't fathom how to complete that task or how to approach the obstacles in my path, but this reset has me seeing life in a refreshed way. 

My resolve is to embrace me: The indomitable Ivory.

Given my will there shall be a way. 

Leave a comment