Ivory McCann

5/30/2017

The heart shifts--It is where the zest of life, passion is found. When it speaks, it believes, it burns, it lives, yet like a brilliant fire once the inspiration has been exhausted so has the passion. With no fuel, the heart smolders until extinguished. If replenished, the cycle begins anew yet wiser. 

The soul, on the other hand, is not so inclined to whimsy. When the soul speaks, it is both uplifting and grounding. The soul creates balance in its profundity. The soul is the root, the epicenter for our Self. When we speak from the soul, there is no greater extension of self we offer to the world, to another.. 

Both the heart and soul have powerful voices, yet the latter is timeless. For the soul knows more than what words and passions can encapsulate. The soul retains a wisdom that spans time and space. It has survived the past, lives the present, and believes in the future. 

I used to believe speaking from the heart sustainable, primary for a relationship, but wisdom has lead me to even greater truths. The heart is more akin to the concept of lust, waivering-exhaustible, wherein the soul harbours the depths of our desires, our most powerful gifts. 

To share these gifts are my greatest desire. 

It is my destiny to reveal and awaken those who carry part of my soul. 19:23

 

3/26/2017
It really has been a year since I last posted, to the day even! I giggle at the events that played out the evening of the second to last post.. The origin of the photo below and its aftermath. I cannot be bothered to read the contents. Instead, I ponder how I have never been the same again since that evening. Yet, all the stories within are for a more intimate conversation. 

It is hard for me to recognize the Ivory of a year ago, especially when the Ivory from just over a couple months ago is like a figment in a dream. Change was definitely coming. Certain things foreseen, some completely blindsided me. Evolution hardly manifests from comfort. And it is my passion to become. So I shall endure the process, live the spectrum, fulfill my destiny. 

A gift to my progression are dance classes for my birthday. I truly believe this to be a perfect outlet for discovering parts of myself, to formally begin to work on my physicality, and as a way to further illuminate my art. To dance for myself, to dance with another, to dance with Athena.. Plus, it is going to be incredibly sexy! 

Working on the Kushiel Legacy Project with Christy has been an incredibly rejuvenating experience. I seriously was almost in tears Thursday (23rd) on the stage at the University of New Orleans midway through my entire day spent working on the project because I was so present, so focused, so happy to be doing what I was doing.. If I could make creating and doing beautiful things like that more or all of my life, I can only imagine what sort of Ivory would become from such soulful manifestations. 

He said to write what makes me happy on my white boards. I shall, yet presently upon my website wall I state with a beaming countenance this desire to create, to arouse, to inspire, to reveal truths.. Nothing pleases me more than another Special to share it all with for I know my profound existence is not lost on you-rather found. 

I wonder what the next chapter holds..  
22:34

3/26/2016  
The last day I blogged, March 12th, 2016, hallmarked a transition to a deeper more confident self. That fantastic evening began with a gift of VIP box office seats to see The Book of Mormon at the Saenger Theatre and concluded with a special meeting, more drinks, salsa dancing and a fall from grace that resulted in a bleeding and bruised left leg. The culmination of all this and more physically crippled me upon arriving home early that morning.. It was as if I had to reach this pinnacle to subsequently fall metaphorically and literally to my knees in effort to transition to this new state and awareness. I am trying to find poetry in the process of self-poisoning and it's there..

The magic of the transition was visible the next morning. Amid the fever, retching and near-death feelings, I found inspiration and solace once I staggered down my hallway to find the broken fan to once again be turning in my living room.

The whole experience reset my body and mind and illuminated my soul of its wants, needs, desires and purpose. Also, learned plenty about how much hard alcohol I can process, what can and shouldn't be mixed together drink wise, how natural and strange it is to have such cosmic chemistry with someone that bends tradition of both society and self, and that I still have amazing skills under duress..I mean, most people can't drive well on a normal day and there I was nauseous, vomiting and hardly able to see driving my ass across town for medication so I could eventually stop heaving, finally hold water down, and subsequently pass out from extreme exhaustion.

It all happened as it was meant too. And I am better for it. 

Saving on beer money!!

This change has effected my resolve. I can no longer abide by nor endure the last few vestiges of servitude which loom over me. It is my intention to address those vestiges in my genuinely professional and bright manner for better or worse. I refuse to bow my head any longer. 

Re negotiations begin next week, I have set myself this deadline. Which in fact, align completely with the deadline I voiced to the universe just over a month or so ago. I said something must give by my Birthday. Then it was no, I need to have things addressed before then so things can begin turning by my special day. I couldn't fathom how to complete that task or how to approach the obstacles in my path, but this reset has me seeing life in a refreshed way. 

My resolve is to embrace me: The indomitable Ivory.

Given my will there shall be a way. 
4:33PM

3/12/2016
On Tuesday, March 8th, I walked into my home after work to find the fan has once again stilled..  The momentous Pisces eclipse made its point. I am just not entirely sure yet how to deal with it. 

Same day, I began adulting like I never have before. Student loans are the only debt I carry in this life, and I carry that burden with a fair amount of shame coupled with a resounding amount of pride. I would be lost without what I have learned during my decade long stint in higher education. The intellect and wisdom gained is priceless in comparison to what is owed. Though, it is my intent to have this burden alleviated in fantastical means by those who desire to free me from this servitude. All the while, probably at the cost of owing them in some form or fashion. I shall deem that reciprocity verses the highway robbery I suffered to get there. 

Since this ecliptic transition, I have been feeling in-between worlds. Can the fantastic be real? What is real? Depression creeps in when questioning trumps pondering amid a lack of affirmation. Or is it patience that I lack - Maybe an angle of logic?  Perhaps, I am over thinking things like usual and the only thing I must do is the best I can in spite of all.

I must have faith in the process. There must be a reason that my muse lingers..  This is my journey. 
4:52PM

These past few weeks have been fantastically cosmically driven. 

During mid-February, I had the supreme pleasure of a very dear friend of mine visiting New Orleans with her family for her birthday! The time we shared hallmarked the beginning to the most recent surge of power and cosmic energy into my life. The family and I shared many adventures from Zydeco dancing at Rock N' Bowl to pool and late night eats and drinks at Cooter Brown's, to drives around town escorted by yours truly and a very memorable evening wherein I stole her for some one-on-one discussion time. Priceless are profound conversations that linger into the early morning hours.

A few days later was Iona's workshop, concert and hafla that we had been theoretically gearing up for nearly a year. The Silk Road Travelers including new friends performed as the house band for the evenings transition between performance showcases. To our extreme pleasure, the ensemble went over smashingly and rocked out until we were kicked out after midnight! Athena now bares a fair amount of track marks from the jubilant drumming textures she survived at my hands or rather my claddagh ring! Never-the-less, that is a sign a fabulous evening was had. And it was had by all! Since that evening, many have taken notice of our group and so have sought out future engagements featuring my Silk Road Travelers. [Interesting to note is the energy created that day. It has happened before, but not to this magnitude..The broken fan in my living room has now been on nonstop (working at two different speeds even!) since that day exactly two weeks ago!]

And a handful of days after that something not short of personal myth and legend manifested in a partial reality instigating potential future realities. My illuminating friend coming to visit layered with the gravitational SRT's performance then..the blurred lines between fantasy and reality merged in ways only dreamt before.

Life is transforming in fantastical ways. 

And the fan still turns. 

Mid-January 2016

Not even sure where to begin..

The last few months have been very demanding on me professionally. Had to evolve musically to meet deadlines, worked full-time at my day job, entertained visiting friends and did it all amid the holiday hustle and bustle. At the end of it all, I was very proud, rewarded myself with a bottle of high end absinthe, and subsequently, got sick for the calendar years transition. Being recovered and now, playing catch up, I am confronted with even more pressing realities and transformations on the horizon. 

This past year, I was witness to many paramount transitions within my life. From the loss of souls I care about who left this plane of existence, to living completely by myself for the first time in my entire life, from casting off users to whom I gave everything, to developing my own musical identity, experiencing my entree into teaching nationally, resigning from all positions and any involvement within the AHS and their local compatriots, to tackling musical obstacles thought until then to be insurmountable, and discovering so many things about myself.. It was a year of learning to 'live without fear'. 

Having confronted those fears, I now approach my life's mysteries and desires with a new-found, emboldened awareness and confidence. 

10/24/2015
I just heard news ..that for some reason I could feel coming in the past couple of months.

Maureen O'Hara has passed away in her sleep. 

I cannot recall the last time, if ever, I cried at the loss of a famous personality, yet if ever was to do so it would be for Maureen. Her light has mesmerized me since childhood, her feisty and fearless nature coupled with a uniquely palpable strength and sensitivity stuck so many chords within me. I idolized her and in so emulated her in ways. Through her (and my parents) influence, I embraced my Irish-American heritage from youth. Between her flaming red hair, her willful personality and epic beauty, I was awestruck, and since I can remember, she has forever been 'my favourite actress'. 

It is said, "..She passed peacefully surrounded by her loving family as they celebrated her life listening to music from her favourite movie, The Quiet Man." www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/actor-maureen-o-hara-dies-aged-95-1.2405089

If asked what my favourite movie is, I have always responded The Quiet Man. To know she and I share in such a love brings tears to my eyes. 

Parts of me wishes I had participated in the Maureen O'Hara Magazine Website's incentive to create short messages of video greetings for Maureen's recent 95th birthday: sponsored by June Parker Beck who has been chief in all things official for Maureen for the last 20 years, yet I didn't. I felt a desire, but I knew it wasn't time for such a project in my artistry. I definitely feel something on the horizon. 

The irishtimes goes on to say that, "For those who may ask what they can do to honour Maureen, we have a simple request: visit Ireland one day and think of her." And I shall. I will do that as well as compose prose and music to hallmark the experience and my love for her. 

As the link goes further to point out, Maureen, John Wayne and John Ford all took to the grave the words that Maureen whispered to John Wayne during the conclusion of The Quiet Man that instigated his surprised look! Such a beautiful and tantalizing mystery. A pact kept to create an everlasting enigma. What is not to love??

Maureen will always be close to my heart. 

10/7/2015
Mercury Retrograde ends in two days and I know not one who desires this charade to continue! As this transition has unfolded, for me illusion dissolved into disillusion which ultimately transformed reality for me. I feel with new found spiritual and emotional clarity and truly feel as though I have finally come full circle with my Saturn Returns. I am highly anticipating the Libra new moon on October 12 which is said to amplify the affects of the retrogrades completion on October 9th. 

Looking forward to the new year Samhain festivities playing out over the next few weeks! One thing I do cherish about New Orleans is that we love and celebrate Samhain or Halloween as the pinnacle of holidays overcoming occasions such as Thanksgiving and Christmas without a second thought. For New Orleanians, the only true contenders with Halloween are Mardi Gras and Game Day (which is every Saints game). For me, the latter two carry little meaning other than the fact that Mardi Gras controls the traffic in the city for months and Game Day's are always followed by depressive or manic episodes that overcome the city with a palpable, powerful presence. 

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10/9/2015
I feel an immense oneness. Upon waking this morning; for the first time in a very long time, I feel rested. I did focus on healing yesterday, yet often that doesn't translate into a state of well-being. 

I think this state is a combination of things; the conclusion of Mercury Retrograde, spending yesterday resting and healing, denying the influence of those who desire to bring negativity into my life with their dubious and telltale behaviour, and from the death of my muses. 

I have been controlled by the influence of my muses out of an idealized love and subsequent devotion on all levels for as long as I can remember.. These cosmological connections I have with these women is truly fantastical, yet has utterly drained me of my own agency in countless ways. Having exhausted logic with these threads, I have moved to deny all of them for the first time in my recollection. 

As an Artist, I am driven by an insatiable passion to admire and emulate the qualities of the divine. Yet, I have found much fault in my attributing divinity to those in real life. In the end, the humanistic factor always over shadows the divine qualities and so the muse clips her own wings in the process. The subsequent fall from grace mortally strikes the goddess and destroys the illusion for the poet.

When I had nothing before, at least I had my muses. Not anymore.

Now, I am a free Artist - Devoted to my Art.